Taichi Dan

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 06:56:16 GMT

I miss him.

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 05:04:08 GMT

Been kind of busy at the club. Kind of feel like asking Ryoma if I can hide in the back for a while more, but I think he's getting tired of the front. And it's really not fair to leave that part of the work up to him all the time. It's just that now that I know, and now that I met him, being out there among all the others make me very nervous. I know he'll protect me and all, but I swear they watch, and wait. Wait for a moment his presence isn't so strong.

I'm so paranoid. Plus, I miss Jin. Really miss him even though I haven't technically moved out, but I have been spending a lot of time away from his place. So.. But it's only because the others there make me nervous, too.

I bet he's pissed at me.

I don't know if you ever read these things, but I just wanted to say I miss you, kind of. It's funny, you're not here where I can see you or touch you, but I feel like you are. Weird, huh? I kind of wanted to ask you some stuff, but I won't if you don't want me too. Only, I'm really confused and kind of scared, and I thought maybe you could tell me the answers to a few things that have been bugging me.

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 07:25:08 GMT

I keep hearing the term feeder whispered around the bar. I wonder if Saeki would answer me if I asked him about it or if he'd give me one of those quirky grins of his and fob me off.

He's good at that, I've noticed. Makes it hard to get to know him, but I guess he really doesn't want people getting too close. I wonder why? Maybe someday I'll ask him. Only it won't be tonight. I'm too tired to think about wandering back to the LK and I'm curious. This is bad since my curiosity tends to get me into trouble, but I saw this guy and it kind of looked like he was following me. I've half a mind to go down to the corner where he's at and ask him why he is.

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 15:23:30 GMT

I haven't written in this for so long that I don't know where to start now that I've remembered it's here.

Work has been okay for the most part; except for when I get those crazy looks from the customers. Ryoma's been letting me man the back a lot while he handles the bar with Saeki. I know it's not fair since we're supposed to share duties but I really don't like being out there.

It's kind of creepy and makes my skin crawl.

I haven't seen a lot of Jin lately. I oftentimes think I must have done or said something wrong and that it made him angry. I thought about apologizing but I'm not exactly sure what it was that pissed him off. If I did, I'd find some way to make up for it.

I saw my sister the other day. It wasn't a visit kind of thing since I ran into her at the library. But it was nice to spend a little time with her without mom around.

She said everything is going all right at home, so I guess the old lady really doesn't need me there for anything. Plus, I really don't want to go back. She scares me more than the freaks who come in to drink at the LK.

Eep! I have to hurry or I'll be late.

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 20:52:46 GMT

He told me to go. I know I was thinking about it but I hadn't actually decided to but he told me to go...

I'm not sure where to go or..

Should I go back home? Will she even let me? Do I want to?

God, I'm so confused but I'll figure out something.

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 03:34:47 GMT

I don't like it here. I mean.. I like being around Akutsu-senpai (Gah. Now the old bat has me using japanese when I speak and I hate it) but I dislike living around so many incubus.

It's very unsettling, waking up to an incubus bending over you while you're in bed. I think he was trying to eat me but he said he was looking for Jin. Only Jin wasn't home and he left but I really think he was... well, you know.

I haven't told him yet and I might not because this is his home and I don't want to cause trouble. So maybe I should go away or at least find my own place to live . Just as long as it's not around a bunch of creatures that want sex with their meal.

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 03:08:02 GMT

I'm so tired. Feel a little better today but still so very tired and sluggish.

I want out of this room and the window looks more and more like a passage to paradise promised.

I wonder how much longer she'll keep me locked in here but I also wonder if it's possible to find people to talk to on here.

I've been browsing communities and finding other people through the search feature but hesitate in adding them as friends or commenting since I don't know them and they don't know me.

It might make them angry for a stranger to just add them out of the blue.

Doesn't change the fact that I wish I had someone to talk to. Being alone is driving me nuts, worse than seeing these walls day after day.

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 17:43:01 GMT

I think i've got a fever because i thinknig about jumping out het window to get out of here only wer'e so far up and it's so fra down.

hse left an hour ago i think. I head hikrai askgin about me. I love my sitser she loves me otoo but mommas; not going to ilsten to her.

no t unitl she thknis i've been punished logn enuogh

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 01:26:55 GMT

She still hasn't let me out and I think my back is getting infected. Haven't had a bath since she locked me in here. All those germs and stuff, makes me cringe thinking about little organisms crawling around in those welts.

I've been researching things. Thought I might write to keep my mind off the walls because I swear they keep moving, closing in around me. Dreams are getting worse, so bad that I can't sleep and no sleep leaves feeling very off kilter.

Makes it hard to focus on things.

I wonder what Jin is doing.. Probably feeding. Funny, that it doesn't matter who as long as it happens. I don't think I like it very much that it was just another.. lay?? for him. I don't like that word either.

I think I'm a wimp cause some things make me cringe like the terms I've been finding to associate to what I did.

It shouldn't have been...

And now I sound like a frightened virgin in my mind. And that's really funny because technically-- I'm only half a virgin. I think.

This is confusing. I'm confused and I'm hungry. But she's not going to feed me until she lets me out, whenever that is. So if i keep busy i won't think about my stomach when it rumbles or clenches so badly that it hurts.

I think she's back. I can haer her and Hikari in the hall so I have to go before she catches me.

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 00:55:56 GMT

I didn't know there was a band, at least I think it's a bad named Incubus. I was doing a search trying to find stuff on myths or stories involving the demon kind but all I could find was pages and pages worth of information about this band. I didn't look over them too much since it wasn't what I wanted but it was kind of surprising that a band would name themselves after male demons known to have ~~sex~~ intercourse with generally women while they sleep or something like that.

I wish I could write about it but if my mom ever finds my journal it would be bad so I guess it's safer to just keep it all to myself. I'm still kind of embarrassed. Can't believe I did all that and with a stranger of all people but somehow he didn't seem like a stranger. Not really.

I felt like I've known him forever and it still kind of feels like that but I know I only just met him so why I did those things is still a mystery but maybe he.. ~~seduced~~ used some kind of magic or something to lure me but I didn't feel like he was. I mean, I would have noticed. Right?

Although if he did I think he used his eyes to cast it. The spell or whatever it was because they always seemed to glow, burning like small suns waiting to eat me alive and leave the ashes behind.

I want to go back. Those weird urges were gone while he was around me and I didn't dream at all, a nice change from having my sleep disturbed every night and waking up screaming or panting and barely able to breathe.

I want to go back but I can't. She locked me in after she whipped me. I wish she'd use something different than that old riding crop of poppa's because it tears the skin on my back and then it bleeds but the worst part is when it dries and my shirt sticks to the welts. Hurts when I have to take my shirt off.

Got to go so maybe I'll get to post more later. When I can get back on, probably while Momma is gone shopping with Hikari or something.

(OOC NOTE: Strike outs = deleted.)

Sat, 06 Nov 2004 01:58:13 GMT

I am so tired but I can't sleep. Those dreams again. I wish that Hikari was awake or even mom but I can't really talk to her about them since she'd think that I'm losing my mind and at this point, I'm not so sure she'd be wrong.

I wonder if a walk to the park and back might help?

Wed, 27 Oct 2004 18:16:30 GMT

They sent me home.

It's the first time I've ever been sent home from school for being sick. And the funny thing is I still don't remember exactly what happened. I was in class, working on the model we have to do for extra credit and I heard something in the hall just outside the door. I looked out but couldn't see anyone and I remember feeling weird again, like I was being called or something.

Next thing I knew my teacher was there shaking me and I was in the hall only I can't remember exactly how I got there because I know I didn't walk. Did I?

It's so confusing but I have noticed that everytime I get that icky weird feeling that it also feels good-- like anticipation, least I think that discribes it best.

Almost as if something wonderful waits for me if I can find it. If I wasn't so scared, I'd try to find it. Whatever it is out there waiting but not knowing what it is really does scare me a lot.

Hikari is getting very suspicious and gives me her 'You've lost your friggen mind' look each time I ask to sleep with her.

Maybe I'll try sleeping in my room tonight.

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 00:27:22 GMT

It happened again today. Mom sent me out after an old release down at the Hollywood Video. I got the video, the exact one she wanted something called Driving Mrs. Daisy, I think. When I left I thought about stopping at the arcade only to get there I had to go through a part of town I never go to because it's full of bars and places like that.

It was very weird. I was passing by this place called 'Lady's Kiss' and almost went in. I felt very docile, or is serene the word I should use? Either way something inside me wanted in that building badly only I was really afraid of going in because I saw this guy who was there before me and he reminded me of Pinhead??? from Hellraiser, I think. Had pins sticking out of him everywhere and I thought it must have hurt to do that and why would anyone want to hurt their body like that anyway?

I think I really must be going crazy because nothing like this has ever happened before. Unless you count all those scarey dreams when I was a kid but I'm not a kid anymore so why are my dreams turning so dark on me now?

I have been thinking about sneaking out to mom's storage unit and going through all of Dad's old stuff, see what she kept. I kind of hope he had something, a letter or a diary that he might have written.

He used to tell me that someday something very special and unique would happen to me but he never would tell me what and Mom would always give him this look-- Her 'Don't you say a word or I'm never talking to you again.' look when I asked.

I bet he knew what this is and I bet he'd be able to answer all my questions if he wasn't gone. :(

It's confusing and hard because I don't know what is happening to me and I don't understand it at all.

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 21:06:11 GMT

I'm supposed to finish up my report but I had to get this all down before I forget it. I left the library around four o'clock just like I always do but for some reason I didn't take my normal route home.

I took a short cut through the park that leads out by the old theatre and from there you can either head deeper into the city or toward the old manses and hotels owned by the high-flyers as Momma likes to call them.

It felt like something was calling me, whispering in my ear and begging me to come that way. It was kind of scarey to tell the truth, finding myself outside, what I guess, was a hotel and not remembering exactly how I got there.

I almost went in but I couldn't. I wasn't afraid of being hurt or anything but it was still overwhelming because it felt as if I were being led by someone who I couldn't see or really hear very clearly and I wish Poppa was still alive so I could talk to him about this because Momma just wouldn't understand.

If I told her she would think I'd lost my mind and start sending me off to doctors every two days like she did when I hurt my wrist and leg during that game.

Sleeping with Hikari seems to keep the dreams at bay but I'm not sure if I want to sleep with my little sister for the rest of my life at home. She kicks an awful lot and steals the blankets, too. But I am glad she didn't ask me to tell her what the dream was about.

Which reminds me that there's a movie coming out soon that I want to see. I wonder if I'll have the extra money left over after paying for my halloween costume.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 05:31:44 GMT

I've been having the weirdest dreams lately of blood and screams for help only they didn't belong to someone else. They belong to me. Kind of starts off with me leaving work and heading home and somewhere along the back alley close to our apartment someone starts following me. Only I never see him and I'm not sure how I know the stalker in my dream is a he because I never see him but somehow I know..

I just know.

I don't want to think about it but I can't help it. Being caught and held against the brick wall of the building and still not seeing what has me. Scares the begeezus out of me.

Just a dream, Taichi. It's just a dream. I know it's just a dream so why does it feel like it could be real or will be real if I'm not careful?

I'm going to sleep with Hikari tonight. Maybe it won't come back if she's beside me.